Struggling with confidence? These simple tricks will bring out your stronger self
According to Taylor Swift, ‘Happiness and confidence are the prettiest things you can wear’, and if they were for sale in a boutique down the road, it’s true to say many of us would be clambering over each other to grab those hangers.
Because if we’re being honest, who hasn’t had even the mildest tinge of self-doubt, whether it’s come in the shape of a party where you only know the host or a work presentation where you can’t shake that feeling of imposter syndrome, and that any minute you will be ‘found out’?
And it doesn’t matter what other people tell you about how fabulous you are, how much their admiration and compliments boost your self-esteem, how many dates you get asked out on or how you fearlessly say yes to everything, because confidence can only really come from within.
People who ooze confidence don’t need the admiration or compliments being showered, because they have a more powerful weapon – self-love and acceptance of themselves – and therefore don’t rely on what others think to make them feel good about themselves, even accepting the fact that they might not be everyone’s cup of tea.
According to confidence coach Claire Bartlett, who specialises in business mentoring, there are a plethora of things we can do to enhance our feelings of self-worth and boost our own confidence.
1. Don’t ‘fake it till you make it’ – embrace gentle edge-pushing instead
The old advice to ‘fake it till you make it’ sets you up for exhaustion and anxiety. Pretending to be someone you're not requires constant mental energy and leaves you waiting for someone to ‘find you out’. Instead, focus on gently but consistently pushing the edges of your comfort zone.
This might mean speaking up in one meeting this week when you normally wouldn't, reaching out to one potential collaborator, or saying yes to one opportunity that feels slightly scary but exciting.
Each small stretch builds genuine confidence because you're proving to yourself that you can handle more than you thought. Real confidence comes from accumulated evidence of your capabilities, not from one performance.
2. Break big goals into confidence-building stepping stones
That ambitious goal that feels too big to tackle? Your brain isn't rejecting the goal itself – it's overwhelmed by the gap between where you are and where you want to be. The solution isn't to lower your standards; it's to create a pathway of smaller wins that build momentum.
Take your big goal and work backwards. What would need to happen in the month before you achieve it? What about three months before? Keep breaking it down until you have steps that feel achievable today. As you complete each step, your confidence grows alongside your progress. Before you know it, you'll look up and realise you're exactly where you dreamed of being, with the confidence to prove you belong there.
3. Curate your social media for confidence, not comparison
Social media can be a powerful tool for inspiration and connection, or it can be a daily confidence drain. The difference lies in how intentionally you curate your feeds. If following someone – even if they're successful or inspirational – consistently leaves you feeling inadequate, it's time to unfollow.
This isn't about avoiding success stories or living in a bubble. It's about recognising that your confidence is too valuable to sacrifice for content that doesn't serve you. Replace accounts that trigger comparison with those that celebrate diverse paths to success, share authentic struggles alongside wins, or simply make you feel energised about your own journey.
4. Develop your unique personal strengths
Confidence isn't about copying someone else's approach to life – it's about owning yours. Many people spend energy trying to be like others they admire, whether it's how they handle relationships, face challenges, or navigate social situations.
Instead, identify what makes you uniquely effective. Are you the friend who always knows the right thing to say? The person who stays calm in a crisis? The one who spots solutions others miss? Your confidence will soar when you stop trying to fit into someone else's mould and start celebrating what makes your approach to life distinctly valuable.
5. Create your personal confidence vault
On difficult days, your brain will conveniently forget every compliment you've received and every goal you've achieved. Combat this by creating a digital Pick Me Up Pack – a folder on your phone filled with photos where you feel genuinely confident, screenshots of lovely messages, and notes about accomplishments you're proud of.
This isn't vanity; it's practical psychology. When your confidence dips, you need quick access to evidence that contradicts your temporary negative mindset. Spending five minutes scrolling through your confidence vault can shift your entire perspective and remind you of the capable, accomplished person you are – even when you're having trouble seeing it yourself.
6. Master the art of confident body language
Your posture speaks before you do. When you walk into a room with shoulders back, head high, and a genuine smile, you're not just appearing confident – you're actually creating the feeling. Research shows that confident body language doesn't just influence how others see you; it changes how you see yourself.
Practise making eye contact during conversations, keeping your hands visible rather than hidden in pockets or crossed defensively, and taking up appropriate space. Stand tall whilst waiting in queues, sit up straight during conversations, and walk with purpose. These small physical adjustments send powerful signals to your brain that you belong wherever you are.
7. Practise the power of positive self-talk
The conversation you have with yourself sets the tone for everything else. Most people are far more critical of themselves than they would ever be to a friend facing the same situation. Start paying attention to your internal dialogue and actively choose to speak to yourself with the same kindness you'd show someone you care about.
Replace ‘I always mess this up’ with ‘I'm learning and improving.’ Instead of ‘I'm not good at this,’ try ‘I'm developing this skill.’ This isn't about toxic positivity or ignoring real challenges – it's about creating an internal environment where confidence can grow rather than wither.
8. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small
Many people are excellent at noticing what went wrong but terrible at acknowledging what went right. Confident people understand that celebration isn't just for major milestones – it's a daily practice that reinforces positive patterns and builds momentum.
Did you have a difficult conversation you'd been avoiding? Celebrate it. Did you try something new that scared you? That deserves recognition. Did you choose rest when you needed it instead of pushing through? That's worth acknowledging too. These moments of self-recognition compound over time, creating a foundation of self-trust that supports bigger confidence leaps.
9. Learn to receive compliments gracefully
How you handle praise reveals a lot about your relationship with your own worth. Many people deflect compliments with responses like ‘this old thing?’ or ‘it was nothing,’ which not only dismisses the other person's comment, but also trains your brain to reject positive feedback.
Practise simply saying ‘thank you’ when someone compliments you. Don't minimise your achievement, redirect credit to others, or follow up with self-deprecating comments. Allow yourself to actually hear and absorb the positive feedback. Over time, this helps you internalise the good things others see in you, building a confident self-image.
10. Practise self-compassion during setbacks
How you treat yourself during difficult moments has a profound impact on your long-term confidence. Many people become their own harshest critic when things go wrong, believing that self-punishment will somehow prevent future mistakes. In reality, this approach erodes confidence and makes you less likely to take positive risks.
When you make a mistake or face a setback, practise speaking to yourself as you would a good friend in the same situation. Ask yourself: ‘What did I learn from this?’ and ‘How can I move forward?’ rather than ‘Why am I so stupid?’ This shift from self-criticism to self-compassion creates the emotional safety needed for confidence to flourish.
11. Practise power postures in high-stakes moments
Your physiology directly influences your psychology. Research shows that holding confident postures for just two minutes can increase testosterone and decrease cortisol, making you feel more powerful and less stressed.
Before important meetings, presentations, or difficult conversations, spend two minutes in a private space with your feet shoulder-width apart, hands on hips, and chin slightly raised. This isn't about feeling fake – it's about aligning your body language with the capable leader you are, which helps your mind follow suit. Embrace your inner 'Wonder Woman', even if it feels silly at first; the difference it can make is incredible and the effect can last for hours.
12. Reframe life's challenges as growth opportunities
Everyone faces moments when they feel completely out of their depth. The difference between confident people and those who struggle is how they interpret these difficult times. Instead of seeing challenges as evidence that you're failing or not capable enough, reframe them as proof that you're pushing boundaries and evolving as a person.
When you encounter a situation that you haven't navigated before, remind yourself: ‘This is exactly where I should be as someone who's growing and expanding my life experience.’ Personal growth requires discomfort, and discomfort doesn't mean you're doing something wrong – it means you're developing new strengths and capabilities.
13. Set boundaries that protect your energy and authority
Nothing undermines confidence faster than feeling stretched too thin or allowing others to treat your time and expertise as less valuable than it is. Confident women understand that saying no to some things allows them to say yes to the right things with full commitment.
Review your current commitments and identify what's draining your energy without adding value to your life, business or personal growth. Practise saying no graciously but firmly. When you protect your resources, you show up more powerfully in the areas that matter most, reinforcing your sense of competence and control.
14. Build your personal board of cheerleaders
Even the most successful leaders need people who believe in them, especially on days when self-belief wavers. Your cheerleaders aren't just family and friends – they're mentors, peers, team members, and anyone who sees your potential clearly.
Actively cultivate these relationships by being vulnerable about your challenges and generous with your support of others. When someone offers genuine encouragement or celebrates your wins, let them know how much it means to you. These aren't just nice-to-have relationships; they're essential infrastructure for sustained confidence and success.
15. Develop your personal style signature
Confidence often starts with feeling authentically yourself, and nothing impacts this more than how you present to the world. This isn't about following trends or spending a fortune – it's about identifying what makes you feel genuinely good about yourself and leaning into that.
Whether it's a signature colour, a particular style of jewellery, or simply clothes that fit well and feel comfortable, having a consistent personal style removes daily decision fatigue and ensures you always feel put-together. When you know you look good, you naturally carry yourself differently, and that inner assurance radiates outward.
Be the best that you can be
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