Are you an oversharer or a closed book? Find out how open you really are with our quiz!

Sharing our feelings doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Appraise how open you are with the quiz below, then discover our tips on how to deepen your connections.

Quiz: How open are you?

You’re having a birthday party at your house, do you invite your work colleagues along too? 

A. Yes – I am very close to the people I work with  

B. Maybe one or two, but I prefer to keep my professional and personal life separate

C. No – we don’t have anything in common

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You have a problem with an extended family member, who do you vent your frustrations to?

A. Anyone who will listen

B. A close friend, but definitely not my family

C. Your private journal

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After investing in an expensive new coat you’ve been saving up for, you decide to:

A. Be honest and tell others how much it cost if you’re asked

B. Give a ball-park answer without revealing too much

C. Say it cost a lot less or was a gift for fear of being judged

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When it comes to sharing about yourself with someone new, do you:

A. Start at the beginning and tell them everything!

B. Share some highlights but edit out the bad bits or low points

C. Give a quick and vague reply before turning the question over to them

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Do you easily strike up conversations with staff in shops, cafés or waiting rooms?

A. Yes, I always have something to talk about

B. Sometimes, if they ask a question and it opens up a conversation between us

C. Not very often, I feel awkward talking to people I don’t know

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In times of need, who would you choose to open up to first?

A. The first available person, whether I know them or not!

B. Someone I trust dearly, and who is a good listener

C. I don’t know – I don’t like to burden people with my worries

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How good are you at keeping a secret?

A. Not great – I do my best but struggle to keep things to myself

B. Good – I can be discreet and I respect other’s privacy

C. Totally trustworthy – I am loyal to my word and will never tell another soul

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To what extent is your behaviour congruent with your thoughts and feelings?

A. A lot – I act how I feel and I always speak my mind

B. Somewhat – I can hide my feelings and I sometimes act fine when I’m not

C. A little – I regularly censor myself and my actions rarely reveal how
I actually feel

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You experienced an embarrassing ‘incident’ at today’s bikini wax appointment. You decide to:

A. Update your Facebook followers with a hilarious blow by blow account

B. Tell your girlfriends about it over dinner

C. Completely erase the memory of what happened and never speak about it to anyone, ever.

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What your answers reveal...

Mostly As:

You let people know exactly what’s on your mind

Your actions are in line with how you feel and this congruence makes it easy for those around you to not only read the situation, but to open up themselves, too. You’re a charismatic and likeable person, and people are drawn to you.

Use your great people skills to read reactions and be mindful that you aren’t unintentionally hurting or betraying others when speaking your truth. Also remember that you don’t need to tell everyone everything! A reasonable degree of privacy is ok, and you can choose to be selective about who you share your most intimate self with.

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Mostly Bs:

There are still parts of you that remain firmly guarded

The guilt of being a burden to others means you sometimes struggle to open up, even when you’ve got a lot going on. While it can be easier to go with the flow rather than sharing what’s really on your mind, suppressing your true self, needs or desires could impact your health and relationships over time.

Can you bring more harmony to your inner and outer world by speaking up instead of censoring your truth, and letting people in so they get to know the real you? Those you trust and love the most want to be by your side through the ups and downs of life, so let them in.

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Mostly Cs:

Those around you struggle to get to know the real you

You tend to avoid situations where your vulnerable side can be seen, deflecting questions and attention. Your cards are so close to your chest that this might be making it difficult to form deep connections. Are you being honest with yourself about who you are and what you want?

While you may be closing yourself off as a result of a painful experience, it’s ok to try again. Start by setting the intention to share a little more, then take small steps to express your desires and speak your truth to someone close. Notice how sharing strengthens and deepens the bond you have.

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Learn to open up

Strong connections are formed, and friendships founded, when we find ways to share more of ourselves with others, says Annika Rose.

Think back to a recent time when either something great, or not so great, happened to you. Did you rush to tell someone right away, or resist the urge to divulge any details? The extent to which you feel comfortable to share your inner world and speak your mind freely is entirely up to you, and we must all accept that people are wired differently when it comes to how open they are.

To open up is to share your true self with another (or sometimes, many others), by showing them the real, raw, and imperfectly perfect you. To reveal yourself in such a way requires overcoming the fear of judgement and loosening your grip on the need to control how you’re being perceived.

Expressing who you are and what you’re all about can be liberating for some and downright terrifying for others. You might feel comfortable enough with yourself to share your story, or you might dabble in getting real for just a moment before you battle with what Brené Brown calls a ‘vulnerability hangover’.

The hangover happens when you express yourself, then all of a sudden your mind fills with dread – ‘What have I done? What do they think of me now?’. As all manner of worst-case scenarios run through your mind, you panic that you’ve shared too much and the consequences will be catastrophic and permanent.

In an instant you’re left wondering why you ever opened your mouth or put yourself out there in the first place. Yet it is exactly this kind of vulnerability that Brené, a world-leading research professor and leadership expert, deems critical to building the courage required to live a purpose-filled life.

Protect from hurt

Being open has its perks. For starters, it brings people closer together when you’re authentically you. The most open people often feel a greater sense of safety, connection and support around them, because by speaking out they’ve broken down the barriers that kept these valuable relationship resources out of reach.

Secondly, you feel a sense of congruence when you speak your thoughts and feelings openly and act accordingly – something psychologist Carl Rogers believed to be an essential element in order to achieve self-actualisation – the fulfilment of our potential. 

In the past, you may have disclosed your true feelings or confided in another and it didn’t end well. One negative experience is all it takes for someone to close themselves down. The hurt from long ago may still be holding your guard up high, and the armour you wear to protect yourself from further hurt makes it impossible for others to reach you. It can be hard to share while you’re there.

If old wounds or negative experiences have closed you off from sharing more of yourself with the people around you – you’re not alone. It’s a common form of self-preservation, but it doesn’t need to last forever.

Small steps, taken in a supportive environment, will lead to your guard slowly coming down in a way that feels safe for you. Note when others open up in your presence, and take this as an invitation to do the same in some small way. This will build intimacy and make you more approachable as your most authentic self is seen, glorious piece by piece.

Your true feelings

It’s tempting to avoid charged conversations for fear of judgement, but not being honest about how you feel can cause a disconnect in your relationships or leave you struggling with something unnecessary. The payoff for sharing your true feelings with others is that they can offer you support, advice and more satisfying relationships because revealing yourself and speaking your truth breeds trust.

By staying true to the real you, and surrounding yourself with the kind of people you like and share a loyalty with, you’ll break down the barriers of judgement and fear. Instead, you’re consciously creating the right kind of climate to open up – to genuinely shine, be seen, and loved for exactly who you are.

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Are you truly motivated?

If you want to discover more about yourself, why not take our quiz to find out how motivated you are? We also share lots of helpful tips to support you in achieving your goals.