How to become happier in just two weeks!
We all want to be happy, to take joy in the little things that make up our daily lives, as well as those big, momentous ‘happy’ occasions like weddings or birthdays, or those once-a-year holidays where we relax and remember what it is that really makes us tick.
The trouble is, happiness is hard to define, and what makes one person happy might not be the key to another’s happy place. But what if you could focus on doing a few simple things that would let you be the happiest version of you?
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
Mahatma Gandhi
Happiness coach Samantha Clarke has created a 14-day challenge to help you achieve just that. Each day, she takes us behind the ways she fills her happiness pot, based on her ‘B.E. H.A.P.P.Y. FIRST’ model, with a simple exercise to help you fill yours.
Read Samantha’s advice, then spend a few moments each day completing the challenge and see what a difference just 14 days can make…
DAY 1
Be kind, be aware and be present
Be kind
We are our own worst enemies, whether it’s pulling all-nighters, eating at our desk blurry eyed in front of a screen, or over-functioning to please. Where could you be kinder to yourself through the day?
For me, my day starts with juicing and taking my vitamins. My health is a priority and without it I can’t be of service to anyone. I also leave little love notes dotted around my flat as surprises to find randomly. They are full of affirmations, recent achievements and references to awesome people in my life to give me a boost in the day.
Be aware
Who or what are the people, things or events that suck your energy? Make a space to notice your moods in the day; do you consciously move away or towards these elements?
I don’t vibe well with people who value being right more than connecting to find a solution to a problem or disagreement. As I get older, maintaining my happiness has meant moving away from individuals with these traits to maintain peace and harmony in my life.
Be present
As a Piscean, I find myself dreaming about the future or looking backwards, but embracing the power of stillness strengthens my skills and abilities.
Meditation is my grounding exercise every morning. While I don’t sit like a pretzel on the floor (I prefer the comfort of a chair!), I allow myself to go with the flow. Rather than set unrealistic timings, I allow my body and mind to guide the sessions – normally anywhere between 10-30 minutes.
Your challenge: What can you do to craft out your own Be Kind, Be Aware and Be Present rituals that will work for you?
DAY 2
Be kind, be aware and be present
Yesterday we looked inwards, so today let’s look at the other three areas of your happiness jigsaw: work/career, other people in your life and your home. How are all of these components shaping, defining or hampering your day-to-day happiness?
Relationships/Others
Think about the people you surround yourself with… which relationships have you neglected and why? I’m conscious to check in with those I love regularly, scheduling friend and family dates.
There isn’t a week that goes by that I haven’t sent someone a recipe idea, a book recommendation or a love note to let them know I care.
Your challenge: Think about what you could do to nurture your close relationships.
Work
Take a look at your current career or job. What zaps your power and enthusiasm at work? Before working as a happiness coach I worked in advertising and I found my enthusiasm flat-lined selling sugary cereals and alcopops. I set myself a challenge to identify what really set me alight.
Your challenge: Think about where your work is zapping your happiness and what you will do about it.
Home
How is your home priming you for harmonious and happy living and working? What is your wake up or slow down routine? Do you launch straight into action in the morning? Do you fall straight into a heavy sleep at night or find it hard to switch off your busy mind?
Your challenge: What could you do to top and tail your day with more nourishment and peace?
“If we want to flourish, innovate and be better versions of ourselves, we can't do it on our own.”
DAY 3
Expose
Being vulnerable isn’t a negative thing and it's part of life. If we want to flourish, innovate and be better versions of ourselves, we can't do it on our own. Why do we all have such trouble asking one another for help and how can we get over this?
So often it’s due to fear. Our fear of appearing weak – because no one likes to freely admit their lack of ability; our fear of being rejected – the biggest hurdle around asking for help is that people believe the cost of that request for help will be too much; and our fear of being beholden to another – born out of our need to maintain balance and equilibrium. ‘If I ask for help, what will it cost me?’ ‘What will I need to do for them in return and can I actually deliver on that?’
For many years this was a lesson I continuously learnt, balancing my own personal battle with sickle cell disease – an inherited blood disorder. If I found myself having a painful attack, I’d try to charge ahead on my own as I didn’t want to trouble anyone. The only burden I was creating was the wedge between myself and those I love who desperately wanted to help, but I kept shutting the door.
My friends actually told me it’s like a kick in the teeth that perhaps I don’t trust them enough. From their point of view, while they couldn’t take away the pain, they were able and wanted to help… whether it was picking up some groceries or sitting with me in hospital. I’ve learnt that my happiness is their happiness and when I choose to go it alone, I’m doing us both a disservice.
Your challenge: How could you stop standing in your own way and see what you can achieve with a little help?
DAY 4
Expose
Yesterday we talked about the different fears that stop us from asking for help. One of the biggest skills that has skyrocketed my life is recognising the type of support I need and then asking for it. Identifying the help you need will move you towards greater happiness.
Step 1: Recognising the need – what type of support do you need?
- What are the facts/details…
- What is the resolution you’d like…
- What support or teamwork can help you with this…
Step 2: Getting specific on the details of What, Who, How, When or Where:
- What I am specifically asking for is:
- From who:
- How can they help:
- By when:
- Where:
Step 3: Accepting the gift of help, being open to receiving:
In a society that teaches us to be individualistic, self-sufficient and closed off, we have forgotten how to receive graciously and show appreciation. How can you ask for the support you need today?
Your challenge: Follow the three steps to identifying the help you need to move you towards greater happiness. See what you can achieve with a little help!
DAY 5
Hang up
The three common areas that people need to ‘let go of’ to experience greater happiness and mental wellbeing are: anger and bitterness; frustration and expectations you have of yourself and others; and past relationships.
Here’s an example. Queue jumping used to be my pet peeve, but I’ve learnt to harness my frustration and anger over other people's behaviour and my expectations of what’s right using this simple exercise:
1. Acknowledge the action mindfully (‘that individual jumped the queue…’).
2. Notice what your ‘hope’ is in that moment. (‘I’m tired and I’m trying to get home from a long day at work…’).
3.. Realise the expectations you have and how they give rise to anger or whatever emotion (‘I expect people to follow the rules’ and ‘I didn’t think this queue would be so long’).
4. Let go of the expectation (‘I'll get to the front whenever I get to the front, no biggie’). This is accepting the present moment fully ‘as it is’, however that is, and releasing your desire for control.
Your challenge: Try using this exercise today to help you let go of a moment of anger, irritation, frustration or unhelpful expectations.
DAY 6
Hang up
I encourage my clients to let go of what no longer serves them because it can lead to unnecessary stress building up in the body accompanied by:
* Cognitive symptoms such as memory problems, anxiety or racing thoughts
* Emotional symptoms such as feeling tense and ‘on edge’ or a sense of loneliness and isolation
* Physical symptoms such as headaches, backache or muscle tension
* Behavioural symptoms such as eating more or less, teeth grinding, jaw clenching or overdoing activities (such as smoking, exercising, shopping)
When I have a deadline, or I’m worried about a big talk, I feel the tension across my shoulders and down my back. To get myself back on track I take a moment to scan my body and focus on my breath. This body scan exercise can help to relieve tension:
1. Find a comfortable position on a chair, close your eyes and tune into the posture of the body.
2.. Try to keep the spine straight and energised, while relaxing the muscles around your skeleton. As you breathe in, breathe energy and awareness into the spine, reaching the spine gently upward.
3. As you exhale, feel yourself letting go of tension, stress and worry.
4. Watch the activity of your mind and notice, but let go of, judgmental or critical thoughts when they arise.
5. Take each part of the body from your feet to your head and continue mindfully breathing energy and awareness into each area and releasing stress and tension.
This exercise also helps me to identify where I’m holding onto stress in my body and to let it go.
Your challenge: Try this body scan exercise today, even if you don’t find yourself in a stressful situation. Practicing this exercise when you are calm will make it easier to body scan when you are feeling stressed.
DAY 7
Appreciate
Every day I wake up and say thank you! My ritual before bedtime is slightly different. As I settle down, I ask myself the following questions:
- What excited me today and how am I grateful for it?
- What am I most proud of today?
- What am I committed to right now?
- Who do I love and how can I show them I care tomorrow?
Your challenge: Create a bedtime gratitude ritual that works for you. You can use the questions above as prompts, or you might like to keep a notebook or journal by your bedside and write three things you are thankful for (however small) each day.
DAY 8
Appreciate
What do people thank you for? We all like to hear when we’ve done a good job and to feel appreciated. However, have you considered the language of thanks? Speaking to one of my team members, she feels acknowledged when she receives a verbal thank you rather than a gift. I feel at my happiest when people pick out my strengths and tell them how I’ve helped them.
What do people thank you for most often? What do they come to you for, or say about you most frequently? Are you the calm and collected character on your team? Do you organise social gatherings down to the last meticulous detail?
It’s important to create a habit of noticing where appreciation comes to you. Is it always in a particular realm? Would you like to receive it differently? In the form of a pay rise, a hug, a love or thank you note? Gratitude is a feedback loop that will show you where you are flourishing so that you can lean into these strengths.
Your challenge: Notice when people thank you and what they thank you for. Notice which type of thanks makes you feel happiest and consider whether you’d like to be acknowledged or thanked in a different way.
DAY 9
Pick up
What are your strengths? This question always floors audiences when I ask them. They can always reel off a list of weaknesses but staring head on at their strengths leaves them silent. There are actually four main areas of strengths:
Executing – getting things done
Relationship building – connecting with people
Strategic thinking – creating visions and connecting the dots
Influencing – persuading others to get things done.
I’m at my happiest when I’m in my relationship building and strategic thinking zone. I can spend hours helping my clients to reach future goals and connecting with them over their deepest fears.
Your challenge: Think about the last time you felt really engaged and energised in your work. What were you doing? What were you able to achieve? Write a list of your strengths and allow yourself to feel good about them.
“I like to challenge myself to try something new every day, to submerge myself in the deep and see if I can swim”
DAY 10
Pick up
When was the last time you adopted a beginner’s mind? As in, saying yes to trying something new and actively going outside of your comfort zone to push yourself in new ways. I like to challenge myself to try something new every day, to submerge myself in the deep and see if I can swim.
This could be a new route to a meeting, a new recipe or mixing up clothing colour combinations – these small changes give me a buzz. My happiness and success comes from innovating and taking risks. How can anyone trust me to help, challenge or inspire them to make changes if I don’t trust and push myself to try new things too?
Your challenge: When was the last time you tried something new? What can you challenge yourself to try today? Start small and you’ll gradually build the courage
to make bigger changes that will bring you more happiness.
DAY 11
Plug the gaps
Relationships help to shape and refine you; to act as mirrors of behaviours you need to address, change or welcome; to provide a space for you to develop emotionally and better articulate your thoughts and ideas.
When I look at the relationships I have in my life I’m lucky to have confidants, soulmates and friends that I can call on for support at 3 o’clock in the morning. These people bring me joy, offer useful critique when I need it and help me feel powerful when I’m weak and unwell.
Your challenge: Look at your circle, what does your support system look like? Which relationships do you want to focus on more? Is there anything you feel is missing in your support system and how will you find it?
DAY 12
Plug the gaps
Who are you becoming through the people you surround yourself with? Sometimes there are relationships in your life that cause you stress. I mentioned previously that I rarely fare well with individuals who value being right in an argument rather than finding a way to connect and meet in the middle. It winds me up and puts me in a negative and frustrated place.
Deciding that you need to move on from someone because they are a toxic presence for you does not mean that you have to ‘ghost’ them. Be grateful for everything they have already given you as a friend and then move forwards and make space for more fruitful connections.
Your challenge: Consider who you are choosing to keep in your life and if there is anyone you need to detox?
DAY 13
Your words
Many years ago an old coach said to me: “You train other people on how you want to be treated”. It struck me like a thunderbolt! Here are three promises that, when put into practice, reinvigorate my life and raise my happiness levels:
* Be mindful of how I speak to myself – my self talk is everything! When I let my gremlins run riot in my head they eat away at my confidence and cause me to play small.
* Be mindful of how I speak to others about myself – first impressions matter but then how you reinforce or dispel them shows through your words and actions. When I talk about myself with strength, vitality and goodness, I’m treated accordingly.
* Be mindful of how I educate others on what I need – when I am clear about what I need, friends and family know how to care for me rather than wasting time trying to figure it out for themselves.
Your challenge: Consider which (or all) of these three promises you need to work on and keep.
DAY 14
Your words
How many times this week have you said ‘yes’? Did the things you said ‘yes’ to help you, benefit you or cause you more stress? We people-please for a variety of reasons: because we want to be seen as contributing to others; to avoid being seen as lazy, egocentric or uncool; or because of ingrained habitual family or cultural habits.
To help me out of my ‘yes’ habit I’ve mastered a few tricks:
1. The Postponement – ‘I can’t help you right now but will do later…’
2. The Referral – ‘I don’t/can’t specifically help with this right now but here are some sites/books/resources to help that I would recommend…’
3. Join the dots – refer on/delegate to another
4. The Disclaimer – ‘If I help you… I’m taking away from the time I need to dedicate elsewhere. I’m consciously trying to stay true to my goal and say ‘no’ to anything that detracts.’
Your challenge: What can you do to curb your ‘yes’ habit and raise your happiness levels? Consider, where are the areas in your life that you find yourself saying yes to things that you don’t actually have time for, that you don’t really want to do, or that are causing you stress rather than making you happy.
Day 15 & beyond
Your 14-day challenge is really just the start of your journey, setting you on a path to developing and maintaining healthy habits and practices that will serve to benefit you in all areas of your life, helping you to create the happiest version of yourself.
Continuing to use the exercises and practices you have learnt over the past two weeks will help you to flourish by allowing you to let go of stress and negative influences, build on your strengths and nurture the relationships and areas of your life that bring you joy.
Discover the joy of creative hobbies
It takes time and effort to change your mindset, but if you're looking for an easy way to bring more happiness into your life, consider learning a new craft. Discover more on how sewing could make you happier and smarter!
