Sick of dating apps? Here’s how one woman is transforming the way we find love offline
In a sepia-framed, eternally autumn, Nancy Meyers directed world, romance is around every corner. The cute barista who writes their number on your coffee cup. The handsome stranger who bumps into you at the book shop. The mysterious woman who starts dancing with you at an impromptu after-office drink.
In reality, it’s much more likely that your encounter with ‘the one’ will start from a like on a dating app profile, rather than a swoon-worthy tale to share at dinner parties for years to come.
When the world becomes more digitally centred, it’s no wonder that dating can make you feel burned out, adding to our endless scrolling. If you’re craving connection that isn’t caused by the seven-second serotonin boost of a social media video, we’ve found the hidden solution on how you can meet the one.
What’s wrong with dating apps?
If you’ve had any surface-level experience of dating apps, you’ll recognise the minefield landscape that they host for singles looking to date.
There are unexplainable photos of people holding fish like they’re a prize, or cropped photos showing just body parts, and endless profile prompts saying that someone will fall for you ‘if you’re nothing like my psycho ex’ – all while you’re trying to figure out if they were the ‘psycho’ in the first place.
Dating today feels a bit like waking up at the start of the film 28 Days Later, where you’re left wondering where all the normal people have gone in a sea of scary, sex-driven zombies.
The impacts are already leaving their mark on our mental health. About 337 million of us use dating apps to navigate our love lives, despite the fact that research highlights that they cause significantly negative impacts to our self-esteem and body image.
When the addictive scrolling of profiles gamifies dating, it’s hard not to compare ourselves to the people we see on our screens. When you have access to matching with people online, but you pay with the toll it takes on your mental health, is it worthwhile when it doesn’t work in the first place?
‘I was single and wanted to fall in love offline, so I decided to take matters into my own hands after feeling mentally drained by dating apps,’ shares Jessica Evans, founder and managing director of Bored of Dating Apps.
Bored of Dating Apps (BODA) is a company that’s been helping to create real-life meet-cutes for people who hate the monotony of dating apps. Rather than a like on a photo, they’re hosting events across the UK and the U.S that mix singles across the world and get people socialising. Imagine the intimacy of speed dating socials from a pre-digital world, without the ‘80s bravado and slightly less hairspray.
‘I started BODA in my home city in Liverpool in 2022 as a way to not only bring back meeting in the wild, but so I could personally meet every single, emotionally available man in my own city!’ Jessica explains.
‘No algorithms, no swiping, just spaces where people could meet face-to-face, surrounded by people on the same page, great music, and genuine conversation. I was tired of watching amazing people lose faith in dating because of apps. I kept hearing the same stories: ghosting, burnout, endless small talk that went nowhere. It all felt so disconnected from love that's nuanced, those serendipitous, human, unfiltered, messy, real encounters.’
Burnout from overusing or misusing dating apps is reaching a concerning high. Forbes reports that 74% of men and 80% of women share that they feel burned out from using dating apps, with the added emotional stress of love bombing, gaslighting, and abuse being another side effect of online matchmaking.
When it’s not profitable for a company to have its users delete its app, it’s hardly surprising that you may be matching with people you have nothing in common with as a way to keep you glued to the app in the first place. It’s why the average user spends 90 minutes a day messaging and scrolling on dating apps alone.
And if you think apps don’t look like the people you see in real life, you’re not wrong. Algorithmic matchmaking has been found to promote stereotypes and reinforce racial biases among users, encouraging an ‘anti-Blackness and anti-Asian sentiment’ in dating activity.
When apps aren’t working, they encourage damaging stereotypes and cause significant harm to our mental health. So finding an alternative to the doomscrolling may be the key to finding a partner.
Old school methods can help you find modern romance
Since COVID-19 made us isolate ourselves and stay indoors, it left a permanent mark on how we socialise and interact. Leaving the safety of our bedrooms means that we’re still teaching ourselves what it means to live a life that isn’t glued to our phones to save the awkwardness and effort to bravely put our feelings out there.
BODA events are bringing together people who are united by a yearning for romance and a frustration at the poor results created by dating apps.
‘Every BODA event is designed to feel like the antidote to awkward dating events. It's not contrived, and there's not an algorithm in sight. Think of it less as a singles night and more as a room full of hopeful romantics, who are anti-ghosting and want to lead a dating life that puts their mental health first,’ Jessica says.
‘We’ve done everything from bookshop meet-cute socials, coffee-shop parties, to rooftop alpine nights and millennial indie dance parties. There are no name tags or forced icebreakers, just a warm, relaxed vibe where everyone’s in the same boat.’
And when making the first move can feel scary enough, attending an event on your own can feel just as daunting. Without a group of friends cheering you on and giving you the bathroom stall pep talk you need during the night, meeting someone in person might feel like an impossible step from yesteryear.
Singles events don’t have to be that way, as Jessica explains: ‘Our hosts are professional wing-people, who are there to make introductions feel easy and natural, and our signature Dutch Courage Shots, which help people start conversations in a fun, low-pressure way, as the shot on the house can only be redeemed with someone you don't know.
‘It’s been overwhelmingly positive, and honestly, really emotional at times. We’ve had friendships, relationships, weddings, and even a few BODA babies now! But what people talk about most is how seen they feel. They come to one event and realise there’s this entire community of single people who want the same thing. We’ve had people say, “I didn’t even meet anyone romantically, but I left feeling hopeful again,” and that’s exactly what we want to bring back, the hopefulness of meeting people without screens in the way. Romance is certainly making a huge comeback.
‘Dating in person is better because it gives you context for who you're getting to know and a sort of freedom – you can feel someone’s energy, hear their laugh, see how they interact with people. It's dating in its most brightest, boldest, and most rebellious in this chaotic climate. On a pragmatic note, it saves a lot of time investing in profiles, only to meet the person and not fancy them after two weeks of messaging. On a romantic note, those first few moments of meeting someone new face to face feel a bit like magic.’
Are we even flirting anymore?
You’re not on your own if you think we’re in a flirting recession, as the market of cheeky chat-ups is not projected to grow any time soon. Casual sex is on the decline among Gen Z, despite more liberal and accepting views on sex and relationships, and political beliefs are growing the divide across genders.
With so many increasing barriers to making the first step, we may be our worst enemy by not bothering to take the risk of chatting with a stranger in the first place.
Starting to push your boundaries in healthy, approachable ways can give you the confidence to take bold steps in your love life. What may have felt like an anxiety-inducing effort at first can quickly be respun into an opportunity to put yourself out there and feel a bit more connected to the community around you.
‘The 30-Day Offline Challenge was created as a kind of dating detox,’ explains Jessica. ‘A fun, gentle way to step away from apps and rewire how we connect. Each day has a small offline prompt, like “smile at a stranger,” “chat to your barista,” or “go somewhere alone and be open to who you meet.” It’s about retraining that muscle of human connection.’
How do you even flirt?
Sometimes the best advice when dating is the most effective, as Jessica recommends: ‘Stop overthinking it. Connection usually begins with something small. A smile, a shared observation, or even a compliment about their drink or book. If you’re nervous, remind yourself: everyone loves to be seen. The key is curiosity. Instead of worrying about what they think of you, focus on being genuinely interested in them; that's often where the most organic meetings happen.’
‘And if you need a nudge, use something like our Meet-Cute Cards. They’re designed to make that first hello feel charming, not cheesy. Think of them as tiny confidence boosts for real-world flirting.’
Meet Cute Cards can be your secret weapon for turning that glimpse at a gorgeous stranger into a potential romantic partner. They take the awkwardness and embarrassment out of thinking of an opening line to start a conversation and give room for someone to politely decline without the crushing weight of immediate rejection.
They’re a great way to make the first move, as Jessica explains: ‘The Meet-Cute Cards grew out of that same ethos. We wanted to make it easier for people to act on those “what if” moments, when you see someone and wish you’d said something. The cards say things like, “This is me shooting my shot,” and you can hand them to someone you're having a bit of eye contact with.’
‘They’re romantic but respectful, a bridge between courage and connection, and we’ve started stocking them in independent venues all over the UK and New York, so people can have their own real-life meet-cute wherever they are.’
How to date, healthily
If you’re looking for romance and taking that first big step, it doesn’t have to be as pessimistic or daunting as it may sound. Here’s Gathered’s top advice on how to date and not go too crazy in the process:
Get used to hearing ‘no’
It is a full sentence, after all. Rejection can feel like a massive blow to your confidence, especially when you’re being vulnerable with your feelings and opening yourself up to getting hurt, but getting used to it can revolutionise how you approach chatting with people. It gives you the confidence to know that it’s nothing personal and to move on, taking one step closer to the person who will be perfect for you.
Sort out your dating intentions
So, you want a non-committal hookup? Or a partner in crime in it for the long run? No matter what you’re looking for, there’s probably someone looking for something similar that you may be the perfect match for. Just make sure that you know what you want before stringing anyone along, and hopefully you won’t be strung along by the ‘right person, wrong time’.
Turn off your notifications
It might sound exactly like the advice that would prevent you from finding a partner, but turning off your notifications can stop making dating feel gamified online. If you’re still committed to the apps, then turning off notifications can stop you from endlessly refreshing your messages and feeling glued to surface level chats. If you’re chatting with a partner, having dedicated time to turn off your phone notifications can set healthy boundaries in your screentime use and make your conversations even more meaningful – and hopefully increase them even more in-person.
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