These are the biggest mistakes you’re making on your online dating profile
Whether you're a seasoned veteran of dating apps or dipping your toe into these stormy waters for the first time, putting yourself out there romantically can feel daunting. But you’re not alone.
It’s estimated there will be almost 12 million people using dating apps in the UK by 2028 and while single people know how to look out for red flags in other people’s profiles (in theory at least), what about the signals and messages your bio and photos might be giving off?
Shelly Dar, mental health psychotherapist, relationship expert and founder of MindSpa Therapy says if you’re not having much luck on the apps there’s a strong chance your profile could be sabotaging any chances of success. ‘What feels safe or clever to us can sometimes send mixed messages to others,’ she explains. ‘As a therapist, I often work with people who are emotionally available, sincere and ready for love, but their profiles unintentionally say the opposite and in giving off the wrong messages they quietly repel the right match. Your dating profile doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to feel like you.’
Here Shelly joins a range of dating and relationship experts to identify the hidden dating profile pitfalls and give advice on how to fix them, so you truly shine online.
1. Pitfall: Using humour as a shield
‘A bit of humour can make a profile shine, especially if you are a funny person,’ says Shelly. ‘Humour is a brilliant way to deflect awkwardness or soften vulnerability, but too much of it can blur your real intentions. When everything is sarcastic, ironic or self-deprecating, it comes across like you’re not taking dating seriously and that will put potential matches off. They question if you’re genuinely open to connection, or just in it for the banter. And you will attract the wrong people. Try to blend lightness with sincerity. Say something like: ‘I laugh easily, but I’m here for something real too.’ It shows balance and makes the real you easier to read.’
‘Profiles that sound like a mini stand-up routine laden with banter, sarcasm and dad jokes, are a sign someone is masking their real needs and leaves little room for anything meaningful,’ says Mairead Molloy, relationship expert and psychologist. ‘Humour is great, but if that’s all there is it’s blocking the vulnerability you need to show to be a credible match. The unconscious signal is: ‘I want love, but I’m terrified of being seen needing it.’ You can be funny, just balance a joke with one sentence of truth to show you have depth.
2. Pitfall: Not being fully honest
Angela Vossen Founder of sextasy, Relationship and sex coaching says, ‘A huge mistake people make on dating apps is being ‘economical’ with the truth. This might mean listing yourself as 39 when you’re 43; saying ‘open to kids’ when you’re not or using heavily filtered photos. It’s often driven by a fear of rejection or not measuring up.
Even if it’s unintentional, anything misleading chips away at trust and if the person you're connecting with feels like they’ve been tricked, there won’t be a second date. The most successful dating profiles are the ones that make people feel something — seen, intrigued, aligned. That starts with knowing who you are, what you want and having the courage to show up accordingly. Be the kind of profile you'd want to match with, but always be honest.’
3. Pitfall: Mentioning your pets or kids in a way that dominates your personality
Hope Flynn, dating & relationship expert and founder of So What? Community says, ‘We get it - your dog is your best friend and your kids mean the absolute world to you. That’s lovely, but if it’s all ‘dog mum forever’ or ‘my kids are my everything’ it can give the impression there’s no space in your life for anyone else. You go missing from your own story. People want to get a sense of you, not just your pup’s name. Of course, mention the important stuff, but try saying something like: ‘I spend most of my Saturdays muddy thanks to my Labrador – bonus points if you’ve got wellies.’ Or ‘Being a parent is a huge part of my life but I also love a spontaneous comedy night.’ Be real and still be you but keep things balanced.’
4. Pitfall: Using the word ‘adventurous’
‘While this usually means you have an open mind and a willingness to explore new terrain, on dating apps it can hold unintended sexual connotations and signal the attention of people who are seeking transient, casual fun,’ says Chengi Tobun, relationship and dating expert and founder of Black Swan Relationship Academy. ‘So show don’t tell – articulate what ‘adventurous’ looks like for you, for example, describe yourself as full of wonder, curious and playful. If participating in extreme sports is authentically who you are and you desire someone who has the same hobbies, then absolutely confidently show this.’
5. Pitfall: Being unintentionally defensive
Shelly says, ‘Phrases like ‘No time wasters,’ ‘Be normal,’ or ‘Don’t lie’ might feel like healthy boundary setting, but they can often signal tension or defensiveness. People do this to set standards and avoid repeat mistakes but end up giving off wary or jaded energy repelling future matches. Try to opt for clarity and warmth instead. For example: ‘I value honesty and kindness, if you do too, we’ll get on well.’ It’s still a boundary, but it invites connection. In trying to protect yourself, don’t close the door on love before it’s even opened.’
6. Pitfall: Using hierarchical language
‘If you’re hoping to attract emotionally healthy matches, be aware not to use language that sets a potential match up as the prize,’ says relationship coach Sarah McAreavey. ‘Saying ‘I have a very busy life but will make time for the right person’ sets up a hierarchy and subconsciously communicates that a person needs to prove themselves before you will consider making time for them. Be careful not to word things like a challenge as it will only attract toxic people. I also see references to ‘King or Queen’ on profiles, for example, ‘A queen looking for her king,’ which leans into masculine/feminine language rooted in control and power dynamics. If you are attracted to Alpha males or never felt cherished in a past relationship, acknowledge this and put your own self-worth first.’
7. Pitfall: Sending out mixed messages
‘The line ‘not looking for anything serious’ crops up a lot from people who are looking for something meaningful but don’t want to come across as desperate,’ says Shelly. ‘It’s protective, keeps things light, avoids pressure and shields you from disappointment. But this approach often backfires by attracting people who are emotionally unavailable and puts off those who are. If you have said you’re not looking for anything serious you can’t blame a match for expecting something casual. Instead say something like ‘Open to seeing where a genuine connection leads’ or ‘I’d love something real, but let’s see how we vibe.’ This keeps things open and emotionally honest without sounding heavy.’
8. Pitfall: Using group images
Dr. Nivedita Nayak, a clinical psychologist with a focus on modern relationships and dating psychology says, ‘Group shots show you’re sociable, but from a psychological perspective they can often create more confusion than connection. It immediately forces people to play detective. ‘Who am I supposed to be looking at? Which one are you?’ This small cognitive burden creates subtle emotional distance and in the context of dating that ambiguity can work against you.
‘If someone genuinely values one-on-one connection and meaningful intimacy, but their profile centres on group dynamics there’s an instant disconnect. Your profile will end up feeling impersonal and a potential match looking for emotional depth might keep swiping. Add two clear, solo photos (one candid, one smiling at the camera) to build trust and your matches will improve not just in quantity but in quality.’
9. Pitfall: Bragging or showing off in a bid to impress
‘You’ve been to Bali; you own a four-bed house and only drink wine from Tuscany – that’s great for you, but you might come across like a bit of a show-off (or a snob) even if you don’t mean it that way,’ says Hope. ‘Most people are looking for connection, not credentials. If your profile is all about name-dropping restaurants, expensive travel or fancy job perks, you’re trying too hard to impress rather than relate. And it can also make people wonder if they'd ever measure up to your lifestyle. Maybe say ‘I love to travel the world but I’m just as happy with sharing a picnic.’ Honesty and self-awareness is way more attractive than listing fancy things.’
10. Pitfall: Long checklists dominate
Eloise Skinner author and psychotherapist says, ‘We're often told it's good to know what we want and to be upfront about our desires, values and intentions as a way of meeting someone with shared values and goals. But this can come across as demanding, overly self-focused or setting sky-high expectations. Try to keep a private list of preferred values and characteristics when dating, maybe in a journal or notebook. Refer to it when you start to build connections, to ensure you're investing time with a match that meets your desires (at least, to a reasonable extent). But also, leave some room to be surprised.’
Dr. Nivedita Nayak adds, ‘Treating your profile like a checklist saying: ‘must be over 6ft tall, love dogs, be outdoorsy, want kids, love travel, eat clean’ is never a good idea. It’s likely to be more about protection, than preference and can stem from a need to control rejection before it happens and a fear of getting hurt again. When a profile starts sounding like a job spec, it stops being an invitation and becomes a filter. Think of your profile less as a set of requirements and more as a small window into how you live, feel and connect. Instead of saying ‘Must love reading’ say: ‘My Sundays are usually slow and coffee-fuelled with a book nearby’ It invites shared interest without demands.
11. Pitfall: Using photos with your back to the camera
Chengi Tobun says, ‘This can trigger abandonment wounds in potential matches by subconsciously evoking the feeling of someone leaving or withholding connection. It might mirror the body language of a parent, partner or caregiver who emotionally or physically turned away during a moment of need in the past. It also makes you seem unreachable emotionally and suggests aloofness or lack of intimacy. Face forward, make eye contact with the camera and crop the image to just above your head (this applies to full body shots too) giving the feeling you are at arm's length.’
12. Pitfall: Leaning on dating app cliches
Sarah McAreavey says, ‘Vague phrases such as ‘looking for my partner in crime’ or ‘I have a 5-star Uber rating’ and ‘I love to laugh’ are kind of cringe and don’t reveal the real you. They’ve been done to death and you run the risk of coming across as if you’re not putting any effort in. Try to be specific and share something personal that shows the different sides to who you are, such as ‘I love kombucha as much as champagne’ or ‘I spend most of my free time painting, although my friends confuse my art for my kid’s school projects’. This showcases you are open and emotionally healthy. If you do love to laugh, say ‘I saw Katherine Ryan live recently’ or ‘I really enjoyed Ted Lasso.’ People are more likely to stop and pay attention to a unique voice with clear interests and values in a sea of bland profiles.’
13. Pitfall: Photos with the opposite sex
Monica Wadwa, Dating & Relationship Coach, (@withlove.monicawadwa) says, ‘As innocent as they may be photos with the opposite sex can unintentionally send the wrong message to potential matches. Even if it’s your sister, platonic best friend or long-lost relative, the first thought many will have is, ‘Is that their ex?’ It plants a seed of judgment before you’ve even had a chance to make a proper first impression. If you want to show you're sociable include a candid solo shot in fun settings. Ultimately, your profile should spotlight you, not invite questions about who else could still be pulling on your heart strings.’
14. Pitfall: Wearing swimwear in photos
‘Swimwear shots are great for empowerment and celebrating our bodies and hard won freedoms as confident women on social media,’ says Chengi. But unfortunately, on dating profiles they can be read as suggestive, attracting men who might be looking for something casual or those who are emotionally unavailable. If you’re looking for something deep and long-term, it's important you are hypervigilant to avoid sending out mixed signals of this kind. Let's leave those pictures for when we get them off the app.
Monica adds, ‘A great litmus test for your dating app photos is what I call the ‘Mother Test.’ Instead of uploading your most sultry or revealing pictures, consider this: would someone look at your profile and think, ‘I’d love to introduce them to my mum’ or ‘I'd love to introduce them to my bedroom’? You do not want to elicit a swipe based on sex appeal. It's important to show confidence and attractiveness, but lead with class, warmth and personality to create a foundation for a much more sustainable relationship. Superficial traits summon fleeting validation, values last a lifetime.’
Photos: Getty
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