'The Summer I Turned Pretty' has changed dating forever – here's why
For three summers, a coming-of-age romantic drama has gripped a generation of older women seeking refuge in their teenage fantasies. Every Wednesday, The Summer I Turned Pretty adorns our TV screens in the dappled sunlight of Cousins Beach, offering an escape from dating app disasters to a summer of first loves, belly flips and lingering looks.
The third and final instalment has sparked a frenzy online, with the show’s love interest Conrad Fisher becoming the ultimate “written by a woman” heartthrob. Emotionally intelligent, nurturing and deeply attentive, women of all ages are losing their minds over Conrad – the discourse illuminating just how hungry we are for a more tender type of romance.
At a time when dating is in decline – Ofcom’s Online Nation report shows that more than a million people left dating apps in 2024 – is our escape into romantic fantasy healthy? Are we holding out for a relationship that doesn’t exist? Or simply refusing to settle?
Why adult women are loving The Summer I Turned Pretty
Based on Jenny Han’s Young Adult book trilogy first published in 2009; the Amazon Prime series taps into a nostalgia for when life happened offline. For women coming-of-age in the noughties, this fictional world feels both fantastical and familiar, a snapshot of when dating was new, full of excitement and promise – not the draining and disconnected reality of dating apps today.
Across Instagram and TikTok, fans are dissecting scenes which portray a deep sense of yearning. The brief touch of a shoulder, lingering eye contact and even the wiping of peach juice off a chin (hear me out!) play out with a breathless excitement that is driving the internet crazy.
Relationship Coach & Hypnotherapist Lorin Krenn says ‘the series is idealised and dramatic, but it gives a glimpse of something many crave: romance that feels alive.
‘The obsession (with the show) is a mirror of what is missing in many modern relationships. Women long for love that feels present, exciting, and emotionally alive.’
The summer we gave up on dating
New data shows that the number of couples are declining across the globe, particularly in “extremely online” countries. Lorin Krenn, host of the Masculine & Feminine Dynamics podcast, believes that ‘dating has declined because more people have lost the ability to bring real presence to another human being.’
Lorin adds, ‘Apps give the illusion that someone is ‘investing’ in love, but swiping endlessly or juggling shallow conversations with multiple people is the opposite of investment. It overwhelms, it numbs, and it erodes the focus needed to build something meaningful. Modern culture is addicted to quick dopamine hits, yet love requires the opposite: patience, effort, and attention.’
A 2024 survey on dating from Forbes Health found that 78% of Gen Z experienced dating app burnout. According to a report published by Ofcom, people are choosing to sign off, with Tinder losing 594,000 users, Hinge dropping by 131,000, Bumble by 368,000 and Grindr by 11,000 in 2024.
Exasperated by ghosting, love bombing and awkward one-night stands, singletons are opting to give up on dating all together. Rather than a fun, butterfly-inducing experience, dating app interactions are often hollow, fragmented and disposable, adding to a growing sense of futility.
In some ways, The Summer I Turned Pretty’s carefully curated portrayal of longing feels more real to a generation raised on 90s romcoms than the apps gamifying intimacy through shallow interactions and dopamine hits.
Is there a decline in eligible men?
Unfortunately for dating apps, the rise in singledom directly correlates with an increase in mobile usage. Women are finding a community online who are equally exasperated by a disheartening dating scene, connecting over red flags, betrayals and even going as far as to warn each other who not to date.
Empowered by this growing movement on social media, more women are choosing to remain single rather than settle for a subpar partner. The Atlantic reported that there is a surge in young men not being perceived as‘marriage material’ resulting in a ‘relationship recession’.The article also found that for the first time since the 1970s, women under 35 were more likely to live with parents then a spouse.
Gregory Matos, a couple and family psychologist discussed this issue in an op-ed, stating that men are currently unable to reach these growing expectations.
‘I hear recurring dating themes from women between the ages of 25 and 45: They prefer men who are emotionally available, who are good communicators, and who share their values. For men, this means a relationship skills gap that, if not addressed, will likely lead to fewer dating opportunities and longer periods of being single.’
Beneath our infatuation with the heady, deep, albeit melodramatic, version of love portrayed in The Summer I Turned Pretty, is a real desire for a more progressive type of man - emotionally literate, caring and hopelessly devoted, he is a man ‘written by a woman’.
Is the ‘written by a woman’ effect ruining our love life?
The Summer I Turned Pretty unapologetically leans into our teen fantasies of how we want to be desired. The show focuses on a love triangle which sees two brothers – Conrad and Jeremiah Fisher, compete for the affection of their childhood best friend, Isabel “Belly” Conklin.
A product of the “female gaze” and catnip for swoon-thirsty millennials, the elder brother and ultimate romantic hero Conrad has the quiet longing of Mark Darcy, the brooding intensity of Gilmore Girl’s Jess Mariano and the unwavering devotion of The Notebook’s Noah Calhoun.
Even his clean and classic style harks back to classic romcoms – his wardrobe packed with perfectly fitted 501 Levis jeans, white tees and knit polos. Not to mention his leather strap vintage Omega watch (aka “slutty little watch” by the internet) which is having a similar moment to Connell’s chain from Normal People.
Every meticulous detail of Jenny Han’s leading man has been devised for the “female gaze” – and we are eating it up. Our social media feeds are filled with Conrad edits, slow-mo montages home in on his intense eye contact, pointing out body language that is straight out of a romance-novel with captions like “this is the definition of ‘his eyes softened’”. He has textbook “written by a woman” qualities – he’s attentive, selfless, supportive and emotionally intelligent (yes, he’s in therapy).
The Conrad Fisher-effect is shining a light on the misalignment between our romantic expectations, and our real-life dating pool. Dr. Daniel Glazer, a Clinical Psychologist says ‘Dating often falters when our imagination sprints ahead of real connection, and social media only widens the gap.
‘The Summer I Turned Pretty wraps romance in perfect timing and flawless dialogue, so scrolling through those scenes can fool the brain into expecting every date to glow with cinematic inevitability.’
Conrad’s unmoving devotion to Belly draws similarities to Jay Gatsby’s all-consuming commitment to Daisy Buchanan in The Great Gatsby. A parallel which reflects our own collective disillusionment with the present, as well as an obsession with a romanticised future that ultimately eludes us.
Could this resemblance be a subtle warning that our romantic aspirations are that out of reach? And will their pursuit leave our love life in tatters?
Do we need to adjust our dating expectations?
At a time when modern dating is falling flat, it’s no wonder a portrayal of an electric and deep romantic connection is striking a chord. Beneath The Summer I Turned Pretty-mania is a desire to seek out more emotionally fulfilling relationships.
Caitlyn McClure, Vice President of Clinical Services at Northern Illinois Recovery and expert on the loneliness epidemic believes that having higher standards shouldn’t be seen as unrealistic.
‘To expect emotional safety, consistency, respect, and effort from each other is not a fantasy. It is a healthy filter. What is at times labelled unrealistic is really a refusal to normalize poor communication, ambiguity, or casual cruelty.
‘Communication has shifted toward short form posting and texting, which flattens nuance and makes misattunement more likely. All this is not women wanting too much. It is a system that is making depth harder to attain.’
Expectations like emotional safety, respect and effort should not be seen as fantasy – they are healthy filters to apply when searching for a life partner. A growing refusal to settle for unfulfilling relationships, along with a surge of adult women seeking refuge in romantic teen fiction, suggests we are not abandoning love, but seeking a better version of it.
In the series, we follow the characters from teenagers to their early twenties, a growing process which transforms Conrad from a withdrawn and angsty “bad boy” into a man capable of a steady, devoted, and emotionally rich love. Perhaps then, the true romantic fantasy is that change is possible, that with a little time and a lot of communication, we can bridge the gap between dating expectations and reality.
A dating revolution
The ageless charm of The Summer I Turned Pretty doesn’t just offer an escape from the emptiness of modern dating; it also serves as a glimmer of hope for the future of romantic connection. The success of the series shows that our desire for romance has not faded, it is in fact reaching a fever pitch.
The same Forbes Health 2024 study that reported a surge in dating app fatigue, also found that 73% of singles surveyed believe romantic love can last forever. Though dating is on the decline, the desire for genuine connection is still going strong.
As more women feel empowered to assert higher relationship standards, opting out of dating apps in search of more meaningful connections, could we be on the brink of a dating revolution? We’re not giving up on relationships – we’re demanding more from them. And if our fictional summer of romance can inspire deeper connections in the real world, we may just fall back in love with dating.
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