10 relationship warning signs you could be overlooking
Healthy differences or relationship warning signs? Even those seemingly perfect couples have issues from time to time, but how do you tell when it's becoming something more serious?
The late American anthropologist Dr Helen Fisher, who researched the chemical nature of human love, said that we need to focus on three areas in our romantic relationships: sex, attachment and romance. Psychotherapist, coach, and advice columnist Susie Masterson says that, in her experience, if one or both parties feel that something is misaligned in one or a combination of these three areas, it will feel like something is wrong with the relationship.
Beyond these three areas, relationship therapists say there are often subtle signs that your relationship is in crisis, from your body language to your curiosity about your partner. The good news is that if you spot these early, you can either work through your issues with your partner or part ways, knowing that the relationship just wasn’t right.
Read on to discover the ten warning signs experts say might signal your relationship is in trouble, with some suggestions on getting things back on track.
You lack intimacy
Research suggests that a lack of intimacy is one of the top issues that couples have, causing distress and potentially even the collapse of the relationship.
Clinical psychologist Dr Patapia Tzotzoli says, ‘Relationships thrive on healthy expressions of intimacy, and that doesn't always mean sex. Plenty of couples don't engage in regular sex, and it's not always a sign of an underlying problem. Health issues, life changes, and busy schedules can all contribute to a lack of sex.
However, intimacy is more than sex. Holding hands, writing love notes, or even cooking together can all be acts of intimacy that simply send the message to your partner that you love them and want to spend time with them.’
Your body language is off
Carole Railton, a global body language expert and author of The Future of Body Language, says there may be subtle signs in your body positioning that indicate you’re pulling away from your partner without you even realising it.
Railton says, ‘It’s important to pay attention to how someone is presenting. Let’s start at the bottom. Feet are the most honest part of our bodies, as we can only move in the direction our feet are in without falling over. If someone is moving away from a close relationship or feeling uncomfortable, you will see their feet will not be directly opposite their partner, they will be ajar. Open body language where we show our palms without crossing our limbs will be reduced too.’
Railton suggests that you look at your body language toward your partner, and if it signals that you’re pulling away, consider why you're feeling this way.
You’re no longer curious about your partner
When a relationship is new, you often spend hours asking each other questions about life, love, and ambitions. However, as time passes, we may lose some of that curiosity, which psychotherapist Tina Chummun says can signal emotional estrangement.
According to Chummun, ‘When partners stop being curious about each other’s internal worlds, that’s a red flag. If the question ‘What’s been on your mind lately?’ disappears, it can signify emotional estrangement. In clinical terms, emotional estrangement happens when a couple becomes emotionally unrecognisable to one another - not hostile, not necessarily unhappy, but cut off from the limbic resonance that once connected them.
Curiosity is the antidote. It keeps relationships alive, evolving, and responsive. A single open question, asked with genuine interest, can shift the emotional climate. It signals to the other person’s nervous system: You matter. I want to know you - even now, even still.’
You never argue
George Clooney recently made headlines for claiming he has never argued with his wife in 11 years of marriage. You may think that not arguing is a positive thing, but psychotherapist Kamalyn Kaur says conflict can be a sign of a healthy relationship.
Kaur explains, ‘While a conflict-free relationship might seem perfect, it can be a red flag. Healthy disagreements show that both partners are emotionally invested. When tension is constantly avoided, it may point to emotional disengagement, not harmony.
A healthy relationship doesn’t mean avoiding conflict; it means learning how to navigate disagreements respectfully and with understanding. Practising compromise, emotional regulation, and clear communication can help build a strong foundation for long-term relationship success.’
You’re growing at different rates
Susie Masterson says change and personal growth are healthy in relationships, but ‘In reality, we don’t all change at the same time or perhaps more importantly, at the same pace.’
Masterson says misalignment in emotional growth is a recurring theme in therapy. ‘Generally speaking, tolerating differences is key to successful relationships. However, this doesn't mean that we shouldn't communicate the impact on us. For example, if one party is in therapy, it can be difficult if the other party pays no attention to this.
I recommend that couples regularly sit down and check in with each other about the health of their relationship. We review so many other aspects of our lives from our jobs to our fitness, it's always a surprise to me how our relationships are rarely on our agenda!’
You’re tuning your partner out
Tina Chummun says one subtle but powerful warning sign that a relationship is in crisis - often overlooked - is tuning your partner out. ‘Emotional micro-attunement, the small moments when partners notice and respond to each other’s emotional shifts: the glance that says ‘I see you,’ the sigh that’s acknowledged or the shared inside joke that still lands are important in relationships. When these moments fade, it’s not just emotional disconnection - it’s a sign the nervous systems are no longer co-regulating.’
Chummun continues, ‘Healthy relationships rely on the ability to emotionally ‘tune in’ to one another. When this vanishes, it’s not just sad - it’s dysregulating. You feel more alone in the relationship than you might outside of it. This slow withdrawal doesn’t always come with arguments or drama. In fact, it’s the quiet, creeping emotional starvation that does the deepest damage.’
Increased secrecy
We all have a right to privacy, even in a relationship, but if you find your partner being more secretive than usual, this can be a sign of concern.
Georgina Sturmer, a BACP registered counsellor, says, ‘There’s a difference between privacy and secrecy. Privacy refers to your boundaries regarding your history, thoughts, opinions, and experiences, which are separate from your partner and relationship. Secrecy, on the other hand, involves something that you are intentionally hiding from your partner. If your partner becomes secretive about how they spend their time, or who they are communicating with, this might - rightly - send some alarm bells ringing.
The difficulty with secrecy is that it doesn’t always mean something bad is happening. But it does generally lead to a sense of disconnection in the relationship, of frustration or mistrust. Balancing privacy and openness is often the key to a healthy, honest relationship.’
You are seeking validation from elsewhere
Chartered counselling psychologist Dr Kirstie Fleetwood-Meade says when you start turning to other people, such as friends, co-workers, social media, or even strangers, for emotional reassurance, playfulness and fun, this may be a symptom that something vital is missing in your relationship.
‘This isn’t necessarily about infidelity, but rather that you're craving connection, appreciation, or emotional intimacy that your partner is no longer providing. It's important to recognise that no one person can meet all of your needs, and that’s completely normal. For example, if you're someone who craves adventure and your partner prefers a more low-key lifestyle, that difference doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is lacking. It just highlights the value of having a broader support system: friends, family, and other meaningful connections who can help meet different parts of your emotional and social life.’
You lack support and encouragement
Relationships thrive when both partners feel like they have each other's backs, and your partnership may suffer when you don’t feel supported and encouraged.
Fleetwood-Meade says, ‘In a partnership, you want to feel like you’re each other’s biggest cheerleaders. If you feel like your efforts, struggles, or successes go unnoticed or you feel minimised or criticised, it can create deep feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, and even resentment. When encouragement and support are missing, partners often close down, withdraw, and stop sharing vulnerable parts of themselves, which weakens intimacy and emotional safety in the relationship.’
Support and encouragement aren’t just healthy for your relationship; research has found that positive social relationships are linked with greater health overall.
You’ve stopped talking about the future
In the beginning, dreaming about your future together is exciting. If these talks have stopped, it may show a lack of confidence in your future together.
Sturmer says, ‘In a relationship, there’s generally a sense that things will progress ‘somewhere’. Subconsciously, we start to build an assumption of an imagined future together. And in a healthy relationship, we will be able to discuss this. To share our goals, to debate our dealbreakers. To allow ourselves the security of knowing that our partner visualises the same life path that we do. So, if your partner avoids talking about the future, it might be a sign that they don’t imagine that the relationship will last.’
Ignoring future plans is a serious sign that needs attention before you grow apart. Remember to make an effort to plan new experiences together. This time with your partner can lead to a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
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