This is how to get away with cheating, says private detective
You may suspect that your partner is being unfaithful and enlist the help of a private investigator (PI) to gather evidence. PIs work independently from police and other law enforcement agencies and work on matters such as infidelity, background checks, surveillance, fraud, and employee dishonesty.
Many private investigators are contacted by partners who suspect their loved one is cheating, and some firms boast a 98% success rate when it comes to proving infidelity.
But are there ever times when a cheater eludes the watchful eye of a PI and manages to get away with it?
Chris Thomas from UK Private Investigators says, ‘I can tell you that there are very few foolproof ways to avoid being caught cheating – ultimately, secrecy is incredibly difficult to maintain. However, there are some things that make my job harder, and gives cheaters more time before they’re found out.’
As Thomas says, ‘The reality is, most cheaters eventually slip up. Our job isn’t about catching someone out the first time; it’s about observing enough inconsistencies and patterns over time to prove it beyond doubt.’
Read on to find out how some cheaters manage to avoid getting caught.
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Limit your digital footprint
In today’s digital age, almost everything we do is connected to the internet. From social media posts to online shopping, our personal and professional lives are increasingly intertwined. However, as convenient as this interconnectedness is, if you’re trying to hide something, it can make it easier to be found out.
Thomas says, ‘Most people get caught out by careless messaging, shared devices, or location tracking. Even ‘disappearing’ messages or private browsers leave breadcrumbs.
‘When sending sensitive information, always use encrypted communication channels. There are also many advances with people using alternative communications methods such as Telegram which can be hidden on a phone, or using a virtual private network (VPN) to disguise online activity. These tools ensure that your conversations remain private, even if someone gains access to your device.’
Make sure you are not tracked by apps or Bluetooth trackers like Apple Air Tags or Samsung trackers. Turn off GPS and Bluetooth on your phone or install an app to fake your GPS location if you are trying to hide your whereabouts.
Set your notifications to not preview the message and simply show the name of the text or WhatsApp message or turn off notifications altogether to avoid an incriminating message pop-up when you’re with your partner.
Don’t change behaviour suddenly
Thomas says, ‘Sudden changes in behaviour raise suspicions long before a private investigator gets involved. For most people, finding out their partner is cheating doesn’t usually start with a snooping through a phone – it’s something more subtle. Maybe they’re staying out later, suddenly putting in more effort with their appearance, or picking up new habits. That’s when the gut feeling kicks in.’
If you’re suddenly going on work trips, but you’ve never been on a work trip before, you’re going to get caught.
If you develop habits or hobbies long before you need to use them as an excuse, this will raise fewer suspicions. If your cover story for sneaking out in the evening is to go stargazing, consider taking up the hobby so you have a plausible excuse and can answer any questions your partner may have.
Thomas says, ‘The more you go out for non-suspicious reasons, the less likely you are to raise any red flags. If you use the gym as an excuse but leave the house without your gym gear, you’re asking to get caught out.’
Use cash over cards
‘Transactions tell a story. Using a card at hotels, restaurants, or even petrol stations create a traceable pattern. Cash payments are less visible – but inconsistencies still tend to show up,’ says Thomas.
‘While using cash isn’t a red flag, if you have a joint account or have access to each other’s statements and you see more cash withdrawals than usual then it’s a sign that your partner is hiding something. Cash is often used to purchase gifts, pay for meals or overnight stays without leaving behind a paper trail. Cheaters will often create fake expenses to account for these cash withdrawals and it’s often what gets them caught.’
Have money set aside or be able to explain expenses if you have joint accounts. Setting up a separate account from your partner may be one way to circumvent this issue, but if letters or paper statements from an unfamiliar bank start arriving at a shared home, it will likely raise suspicions.
Using cash leaves a less visible paper trail, but if you start withdrawing large amounts of money when you previously only used your card for payments, this may make your partner wary.
Don’t get overconfident
According to Thomas, ‘One of the biggest mistakes people make when cheating is getting too comfortable or taking too many risks. Overconfidence can contribute to cheating by fostering a belief in their ability to get away with it, underestimating risks, making them less cautious and more prone to being caught.’
Thomas says, ‘Cheaters take great care to be discreet when meeting with their affair partner. They choose isolated and remote locations where they are unlikely to be recognised - ensuring these places are ones you would never visit. This calculated discretion helps them maintain their cover stories, and ensures that nothing seems out of the ordinary. But either through laziness or overconfidence, they may start slipping up, and meet in places closer to home, or being less discreet while out with their affair partner.’
Maintaining a sense of normalcy is crucial for cheaters to evade suspicion. By keeping up these routines and behaviours, they aim to create the illusion that everything is as it was before the affair began.
Don’t involve too many people
The fewer people who know about the affair, the better. Even a close friend might accidentally slip up, so it’s best to keep things as quiet as possible.
Thomas says, ‘You may want to tell your best friend so you have an alibi for sneaking around but you’re not asking them to tell one secret, you’re asking them to lie for you on multiple occasions and keep your stories straight. This can be stressful for the person you’re involving; however close you are. And all it takes is for them to make a slight slipup and your carefully built house of lies will come crashing down.’
Thomas continues, ‘You also need to convince the person you’re having the affair with to have the same level of discretion. If they are not in a relationship, they may have less to lose if the affair is discovered, so may not think anything of telling a friend or two what they are up to. But all it takes is one person to tell another, and for word to spread. I’ve known of cheaters who have been found out through gossip getting back to the spouse who’s been cheated on, it happens more than you think.’
Compartmentalise your life
When you compartmentalise, you essentially divide your thoughts, emotions, or experiences into distinct mental ‘compartments’ to manage them more efficiently. This enables you to concentrate on one aspect of your life at a time.
To better understand compartmentalising, imagine you are going through a personal crisis. While you recognise that you are dealing with heavy emotions, you still manage to show up every day and perform well at work.
By doing this, you can keep the emotions and stress related to your affair from negatively affecting your performance at work. You essentially place your personal problems into one mental ‘box’ and your professional responsibilities into another, and do not allow the contents of one box to spill over into the other.
According to Thomas, ‘If you’re having an affair, compartmentalising your home life, work life and affair is one way to ensure there’s no crossover, and therefore less chance of getting caught. If you look at messages from the person you’re having an affair with at home, your partner may catch you smiling, laughing, or blushing at something and get suspicious. Sending secret messages when out in a group is fun but there might be someone noticing that slight smile on your face so be extra cautious.’
One of the many downsides of compartmentalising your life is that you could create emotional barriers between you and your loved ones, hindering communication and connection. Over time, this can lead to feelings of isolation and damage interpersonal relationships.
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