Surprising signs your partner could be cheating
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‘Is my partner cheating?’ is a question many have asked themselves. Whether there were obvious signs or just a gut feeling, it’s pretty standard to worry that your partner might be cheating. You might wonder if you’re misreading the signs, or if you’re letting your own feelings of anxiety make you suspicious of a faithful, loving partner.
When it comes to infidelity, the classic red flags like guarding their phone or spending more time ‘working late’ are well known. But some less obvious signs can be just as telling, according to experts.
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There’s a sudden shift in conflict style
‘If your partner usually avoids arguments but suddenly starts nit-picking or picking fights over small things, it can be a subconscious way of creating distance,’ says Bianca Webb, relationship therapist at Private Investigations UK. Sometimes, it’s easier for someone to justify their behaviour if the relationship feels strained.
Therapist Dr Brooke Keels says emotional withdrawal can be a sign of cheating because dishonesty creates internal conflict that becomes impossible to compartmentalise. ‘The guilt manifests as defensiveness because simple questions suddenly feel like interrogations to someone harbouring secrets.’
Cheating doesn’t always look like withdrawal. In fact, some people become more affectionate, buying gifts or showering their partner with attention.
A change in generosity
Cheating doesn’t always look like withdrawal. In fact, some people become more affectionate, buying gifts or showering their partner with attention. Webb says, ‘It’s often a way to mask guilt or divert suspicion - so an unexplained spike in generosity can be just as significant as emotional distance.’
They are more anxious
Licensed professional counsellor Michael Anderson says If your partner appears stressed or anxious all the time, it could be a sign that they are hiding something. Anderson says, ‘Secret-keeping creates chronic psychological stress that manifests as hypervigilance and anxiety around normal relationship interactions. Unfaithful partners can become stressed because their mental resources are constantly occupied with maintaining their false narrative.’
They complain about you
‘If it feels like your partner is constantly complaining or nitpicking about you no longer being attractive, not meeting their needs or nagging, it could indicate that they are unhappy in their relationship and are communicating this in an unhealthy, hurtful way,’ explains Anderson. Often, it may feel as though you are not good enough, no matter how hard you try to anticipate and fill your partner’s needs.
Watch out for blame-shifting too. Anderson says, ‘Cheaters can unconsciously magnify their partner's flaws to justify their behaviour. It is common for cheaters to think that their partners somehow deserve the cheating because of a flaw or situation they have blown out of proportion, so they can shift the blame and alleviate guilt.’
Changes in daily routine
It’s not just significant absences that matter. According to Webb, ‘You need to watch out for subtle tweaks—like taking a new route to work, showering at unusual times, or suddenly being protective over what seems like a minor part of their schedule. Small disruptions can be more telling than dramatic changes.’
Some routine changes to look out for include:
- Working longer or later hours frequently
- Having meetings after work over drinks or dinner
- Taking up another job
- Making new friendships that take up a significant amount of their time and energy
Different body language around you versus others
Partners who are hiding something often show it physically. They may become less tactile with you, while seeming unusually warm or animated when speaking about new ‘friends’ or colleagues. Webb says, ‘These mismatches in body language are often unconscious, but they reveal where emotional energy is being directed.’
They accuse you of cheating
Relationship and sex therapist Georgina Vass says that to deflect suspicion away from themselves, they may accuse you of infidelity. ‘This stems from their own guilt and is a manipulative move. It is particularly hurtful as it can make the non-cheating partner doubt themselves and less likely to speak up about their concerns,’ according to Vass.
There are unexplained money issues
If your partner begins to hide financial information or their spending doesn’t add up, this could be a sign that your partner is unfaithful.
If your partner begins to hide financial information or their spending doesn’t add up, this could be a sign that your partner is unfaithful. Vass says, ‘Unexplained expenses, unfamiliar charges, less money available to spend, or increased borrowing may indicate that your partner is unfaithful.’
‘Large purchases or unexplained withdrawals can be an indication of cheating, but they can also uncover gambling or addictions,’ Vass explains, noting that it’s not unheard of to discover a cheating partner via banking transactions.
They’re more interested in their appearance
A sudden change in your partner’s approach to their appearance could be an indicator of infidelity. This may include changes to their grooming habits, adopting new fitness routines, or adjustments to their clothing and style.
‘Yes, sometimes people make resolutions to get fitter, or decide to change their style, but the reasons and timing must make sense,’ Vass says. If your partner is suddenly wearing a new fragrance or spending a lot of money on new clothes, and it was never their thing in the past, it’s not unreasonable to inquire why.
They constantly need validation from outside sources
Dr Max Doshay, psychologist and co-founder of Monima Wellness, says, ‘People who constantly seek external validation are psychologically primed for infidelity because they struggle with internal self-worth regulation. So a person who can be prone to use external validation to feel good could raise the red flags once the intensity of their need intensifies or subsides.’
Their friends distance themselves from you
Cheaters tend to be less careful about covering their tracks in front of friends than they are in front of you.
Cheaters tend to be less careful about covering their tracks in front of friends than they are in front of you. And, of course, they may also have confided in their friends or used them as an alibi. As a result, ‘there is a good chance your partner’s friends may know what’s really going on before you do,’ says clinical psychologist Dr Daniel Glazer. Those friends may end up feeling uneasy and anxious around you because they know something you don’t or are scared of slipping up.
They go off sex..
Glazer says changes in intimacy can be telling. ‘This is not only about the physical side of the relationship. You may notice less affection, less eye contact, or less effort to connect on a deeper level. When emotional closeness fades along with the physical, it usually points to something being off.’
…Or they suddenly become more frisky
But sometimes a cheating partner will try to have sex more with their partner. ‘Guilt-ridden cheaters may increase affection at home,’ Glazer says. An abrupt increase in your partner’s libido could potentially indicate they’re getting their sexual needs met elsewhere. Glazer says, ‘Some studies suggest that sexual activity increases testosterone, a hormone that can act as a major driver of sexual behaviour in men. When someone is having sex more frequently due to an affair, their overall desire may increase as well.’
They don’t speak about your future together anymore
In a relationship, it’s normal to speak about the future together. It can definitely be concerning if you feel like your partner is checking out of the relationship, no longer making future plans, or talking about long-term intentions, Anderson explains. ‘This sign doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s infidelity going on, but it does mean it’s time for a relationship talk so that you can see if you’re still on the same page, working towards the same shared goals.’
They’re really on top of your schedule
If your partner is suddenly more concerned about your whereabouts, this may be cause for concern, according to Glazer.
If your partner is suddenly more concerned about your whereabouts, this may be cause for concern, according to Glazer. ‘It’s nice to know that your partner cares about what your day entails, but if they’ve never seemed to check in or keep close tabs on your schedule before, then it’s possible they may be trying to make plans with someone else and want to avoid getting caught by you,’ Glazer explains.
You just have a gut feeling
‘In general, if your intuition, is telling you something is wrong, it usually is,’ Doshay notes. ‘Our intuition is a survival instinct that picks up on tiny clues or sensing when something feels off, so if this warning bell is going off, pay attention!’ In a healthy relationship, your partner should listen attentively and be understanding when you raise your concerns, and work with you to help ease your fears and make you feel more secure moving forward.
How to deal with signs of cheating
If your partner is showing any of these signs, or things just don’t feel right to you, it’s perfectly acceptable to ask what’s going on. Hopefully, there’s a completely reasonable explanation.
‘If you notice these patterns, it’s important not to jump straight to accusations,’ says Bianca Webb. ‘Instead, focus on open communication. Approach your partner calmly, share what you’ve observed, and give them the chance to respond. If doubts remain, seeking professional support, whether through relationship therapy or discreet investigative help, can provide clarity. The goal isn’t just to uncover the truth, but to protect your emotional wellbeing and make informed decisions about your relationship.’
Glazer says, ‘The harder task, and the more useful one, is not to treat every sign as confirmation but to see it as a call for conversation. Many different struggles can resemble infidelity - stress, low mood, or burdens a partner doesn’t know how to share. Therapy can help couples give shape to these feelings, test the strength of their bond, and explore whether the distance they sense is something they can mend together or whether it marks a deeper divide.’
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